That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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