Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
