She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
