We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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