So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is Oprah even human
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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