You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
