I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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