Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
