I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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