Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
