my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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