I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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