I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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