:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
