fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
