it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
