New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
