I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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