Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
