I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
