You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
