yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's shark week go big or go home
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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