The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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