The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
