i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
