The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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