Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
