If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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