Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
