We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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