I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Randomize
