Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
