don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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