Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
