It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
