I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
