she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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