I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
