So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
