bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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