I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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