I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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