Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
