I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
