he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My breasts were aching with rage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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