Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
