If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
