i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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