what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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