OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
