Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
