If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
