Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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