It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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