Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
