i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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