You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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