you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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