I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
