Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
